I don’t imagine anyone’s surprised that I’ve chosen Robert. He’d throw himself into every task with great determination, but he’d swiftly get frustrated and start complaining. He’d argue passionately against every poor score he receives, no matter how obviously warranted.

Vanessa would approach every task with an air of brisk but slightly nervous competence and fall apart immediately.

Dennis would misunderstand more or less every task and do something completely different. His general air is ‘wandered onto the set by accident, confused and scared, doesn’t entirely know what Taskmaster is and seems to believe that something terrible will happen if he doesn’t complete these tasks’. Greg and Alex are increasingly baffled by him. Over the course of the series, Greg’s responses to Dennis’s task attempts go from making fun of him to 'you okay, mate?’

Annie would be having an incredible time; she’d have a blast with the tasks and would cheer the others on enthusiastically in the studio. She’d probably win the series.

Chris would consider the affair undignified and would sigh deeply after reading every task. He’d start out putting in a half-hearted effort, then get increasingly angry as his efforts fail and end up throwing his entire being into getting the task done.

The teams are Annie/Vanessa/Dennis, who muddle disastrously through tasks together but occasionally manage to do something surprisingly well, and Chris/Robert, who never get anything done because they’re so busy arguing about the correct approach.

Trevor, despite not being a contestant, is inexplicably there, running around in the background of tasks and putting out fires.

Robert would make a great Taskmaster, come to think of it! Probably with Dennis as his assistant. I'm a little sad now that Taskmaster Cornley doesn't exist.

A little after writing the above thoughts, I received an anonymous message asking what would happen if the Cornley Drama Society employed Alex Horne as an assistant.

Although I'm delighted by this bonkers concept, I struggled at first with how to picture it because it's so hard to envision Alex Horne - or, more specifically, the character of Alex Horne as the Taskmaster's assistant - outside Taskmaster! Without the Taskmaster, who is the Taskmaster's assistant?

Conclusion: he needs a Taskmaster. Alex latches on to Chris, obeying him unquestioningly and homoerotically. Chris is slightly uncomfortable to realise that his new assistant is prepared to go above and beyond to an 'I'll buff your feet for you' extent. Robert is intensely envious and makes multiple attempts to poach Alex for his own assistance.

During casting, Sandra flirts a little with Alex in the hope of getting him to put in a good word for her with Chris. She's affronted by his complete lack of reaction and starts turning up the flirtation, trying to get him to act even slightly less like a block of wood. It becomes common to see Alex impassively working away on his iPad while Sandra drapes herself over his lap.

Dennis is relieved by the presence of an assistant: someone who can remind him of his lines! Whenever Dennis requests a line, Alex's response is just 'All the information is in the script', which Dennis faithfully repeats. This happens multiple times per play.

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